My focus unofficially for about the last 6 months, but more so now than ever, has been dreams. I'm not talking about crazy dreams where you scream and no one hears you or the ones where you can magically fly. I'm talking about the desires that you have inside you that you long to pursue.
See the problem with that is that somewhere along the way... I think I stopped dreaming. I grew out of being a care free child into an adult with responsibilities and bills to pay. Yikes, that makes being an adult seem like such a drudgery! That's not exactly the right picture to paint. I have an amazing job that although is financially not where I receive the reward, I receive a fulfillment knowing that I get to be the hands and feet that help build the Kingdom of God -- for me that might look like -- a paid bill or productive meeting, a successful Sunday morning service or leaders that receive timely and insightful communication for upcoming events. This is probably what a majority that know me would expect me to say. And to the average person, this doesn't seem like fulfilling tasks. And sometimes, they aren't fun tasks -- sometimes it's just plain old work. But it is work with a purpose. Luckily, I'm not just a note taker, I find myself in brainstorming sessions for the creative department, or mulling around ideas for upcoming games and fun for the serve teams, or thinking of decor elements for special events. Yes, there are fun tasks. Lol, and with the small staff that is there everyday -- there are most certainly fun people, and fun moments.
Let me get back on track --- dreams. I have submitted myself to God's dreams, and part of that is fulfilling the dreams He has for our local church body, in all the ways I described above. However, the questions I've been pondering for the past 6 months have finally been made clear. The answers, definitely have yet to be seen... but what I desire to know is this.
What dreams are unique to me?
Have there been dreams lying dormant?
Have I shut down my imagination to dream big - for the benefit of others as well as myself?
Have I made excuses for why my dreams aren't valid or why there'd be no room for them in my life?
In some crazy way, I feel like I've convinced myself that my personality just isn't a dreamer... I just want the cold hard facts. How is a dream suppose to work anyway? Who has to do the work? How long is it gonna take? What will it cost me? Do true dreamers ask these types of questions? 'Cause if they don't, perhaps I am not a conventional dreamer. But even still I have this longing in me that wants to remember what dreams I had for myself as a child, and also what new dreams await me as an adult! It's bit of a tug of war situation at the moment, but these are all thoughts coming from a mind that is trying to process. I shouldn't disregard the process, but I shouldn't be afraid of the answers either. I'm not sure how long it will take to find the answers to these questions. Maybe a day, maybe a week --- maybe it's a journey that I'll find the answer but be uncertain of how to walk it out. All of these are possibilities, but I'm thankful to be finally asking the right questions. And now the search is on to see what those dreams are and how the passions and desires God has given me are to be transformed into fulfilled dreams.